Statements Abusers Make To Control Their Victims

It’s almost summer, and I hope everyone had a pleasant Memorial Day Weekend. Often the holiday weekends bring on more violence and abuse instead of peaceful enjoyable interactions.

I wanted to share some of the statements abusers will make to keep their victims under control. These are only a handful but might be helpful in deciding whether you are in an abusive relationship or not.

1. You’re a dumb bitch.
2. You’d be more attractive if…
3. It didn’t hurt that much.
4. I love you and it will never happen again.
5. I’ll kill myself if you leave.
6. I don’t remember doing that.
7. You’re stupid.
8. You’re too sensitive.
9. You deserve it.
10. No one will ever want you.
11. I’m sorry.
12. No one is going to believe you.
13. You’re crazy.
14. Why do you make me hurt you?
15. You’re ugly and fat.
16. You’re cheating on me—you whore.

In my novel SOMETHING TO BE BRAVE FOR, Claude, the famous plastic surgeon, uses mental abuse, in between his physical assaults on his wife, Katie, to control her. He tells her she’s fat and ugly and wants to perform surgery on her to make her more appealing, so Katie undresses in her closet. He tells her she’s stupid and that she over reacts to everything—even makes things up. He says he doesn’t remember hurting her or if he does, it’s her fault because she needs to be taught how to behave. The worst battering Katie got was in her three-year-old daughter’s room when she was putting her to bed. In an odd way, Katie looked at the batterings as a relief from the constant barrage of obscenities and threats Claude made—there would be a bit of relief for a while—sometimes even, “I love you and it will never happen again”—until it did, and she began to make a plan to get out.

Take good care of yourselves,